There has been an alarming increase in Sexual and Gender-Based Violence cases, specifically rape and sexual assault in Nigeria recently. There has been outrage expressed by Nigerians all over the country, but is it enough? To simply be angry. Is it enough that the government is simply saying law enforcement and the police need to be more diligent in handling this crisis?
“No matter where you are in Nigeria, in the north or south, in the city or rural, Christian or Muslim, every woman and girl is at risk of rape. Nowhere is safe or immune to this violent crime against women,” These are the words of Amnesty International Nigeria Director Osai Ojigho.
This is the reality of girls and women in Nigeria, and as a country, as an individual, is it not time that we are deliberate about how to tackle this?
Policies and laws that protect the Sexual Reproductive Health and Rights (SRHR) of women and girls are crucial. Their implementation is even more so. However, time and again we have realized that cultural norms and behaviors are enablers of this heinous crime against women and girls and we need to start talking about them.
These customs and norms enable SGBV and are prevalent in our communities, examining them and influencing community members to adopt just and equitable behaviors and practices are important in the fight against SGBV.
Rape and Beg
To point out one of such heinous behaviors, in a conversation with an acquaintance I recently had after going on an educative and informative rant on my WhatsApp stories on SGBV, I learned about “Rape and beg”. I was informed that among men, there is an act called “Rape and beg”. That it means that a male, forces or coerces a female to engage in sexual activity. Even when she’s saying no and struggling, when he’s lying that it won’t lead to penetrative sex, and he still penetrates her without her explicit consent. He then begs and apologizes to her afterward. This is “Rape and beg.”
And it happens more times than you can imagine.
A Nigerian blogger wrote on this in a post where she opened up the conversation around this issue. Outspoken feminists on Twitter have also discussed it on the platform to inform and influence people to take positive action against it.
Rape is a crime, and it is never okay for anyone to intentionally commit a crime and ask the victim to forgive them for this wrongdoing.
Consent
No, it is not okay to kiss, touch, or hold a girl without knowing a hundred percent that she wants you to. You must first seek consent in the most concrete way possible. It is not your job to convince her when she says No.
As a girl, as a woman, if you think he has to be persistent before you know he really likes you, please it is important you try all you can to unlearn this. Now is the time to learn how to build your self-worth. Your worth and value are not placed on someone else’s desire for you.
It is awful that we exist in a culture that equates a woman’s worth to her desirability, but you owe it to yourself to know that a man who really wants you will respect your choice every time.
I wish I could tell you to trust easily but look where that has gotten us. Be wary of every man until they give you enough reason to trust them, and even then, be wary. Because nobody wears their intentions on their face, you do not know who is capable of SGBV.
If you meet a man and boy you like, please have the conversation of consent with him thoroughly. If you don’t fully understand consent, that is okay. You can read up on it online and learn as much as you can about it, or you can reach out to various human rights organizations to receive counseling.
Catcalling
Men, stop cat-calling women. Stop giving random girls and women supposed “compliments” It is not desired, it is not flattering and it is disrespectful.
Stop chasing girls all over the streets and road to collect their phone numbers or strike up a conversation. A lot of the time, girls are scared or frustrated and that is why they respond to you, so you can go away. If you say hello to her, and she is not friendly with her response for whatever reason, if you ask her for her phone number and she refuses, don’t persist no matter how much you want to.
LEAVE HER ALONE.
Girls and women, learn how to firmly say “No.”
Bodily Autonomy
Comprehensive Sexuality Education (CSE) is important for every child. It enables them to understand their bodies and learn to protect them. Ignorance of this vital knowledge leaves them vulnerable to various forms of SGBV.
Parents, teach your children differently from what you used to know as the norm, teach them better.
Economic empowerment provides agency. Girls must be taught to aspire to a career, to aspire to independence and self-sufficiency. They must be taught to value respect and their self-worth over marriage. Marriage can be a beautiful thing for everyone, but it can only be beautiful if we teach them to be good humans. If we teach them the value of human rights and the importance of upholding them at all times.
Conclusion
There is no longer space for “I did not know” “It’s how things are done, how I met it” and “I’m uncomfortable about discussing it.” All of that hasn’t been working, has caused havoc, and we are tired.
So we need to start having these conversations and we need to act. We need to go out and educate parents, girls, boys, men, women, and everyone. Because we can only make real change if it is collective, and when we are all actively involved in making it happen.
